"This is Us" & Harvest Mix (Yes- Spoilers Ahead)

"Sounds like you had a happy episode and then a sad episode" Jeremy hypothesized while turning from his desk to look at me. 

I leaned against the door frame of "his room". The black shiny drum set stood between us while Huckleberry kept his feet warm.

"Yes. Miguel died, and now Rebecca has outlived two husbands, and she has Alzheimers and does not remember what her home looks like." Jeremy and I seemed to notice at the same time that my tear stained face was no longer dry. Tears had began streaming down my face again in my attempt to explain the plot of "This is Us." These beautifully written characters had struck a cord.

At the same time I was wiping the tears from my face, I recognized how ridiculous I sounded explaining a season six episode to someone who had no context, no understanding of the show, and looked at these characters as just that, made up. We both were shocked when a continuous stream of laughter escaped from my body between the heavy flow of tears.

I was simultaneously crying and laughing.  

"I don't understand what's happening to me right now" I said between the snorts of laughter. 

I have never experienced expressing two opposing emotions at the same time without my mind's consent. I have felt different emotions at the same time, but to express them, well, it was something. 

As I began to catch my breath and lean towards getting some dinner I thought to myself, "This is what 'choosing joy' feels like." 

You see, in this wild ride of emotions I realized that the reason I have struggled with "choosing joy" is because I thought it was ignoring the other emotions that are hard at work; however, Rebecca and Miguel taught me that "choosing joy" is to embrace the laughter that happens between tears. So once again, my mom was right.

Today, my mom taught me how to bake her famous Harvest Mix for the very first time. 

This is a treat we have grown up with at holidays, it has been shipped to college dorms and shared amongst roommates, and it has been at every Quinn Wedding (the third and final is THIS WEEKEND- Yay Nat and Steven!). My mom taught me the tricks of the trade, while sharing how excited she is to have this week off from Chemo so she can celebrate Nat & Steven. 

The human experience seems to get more and more complex by the day. 

But wow, what a day today was. My mom has enough energy to feel antsy (Tuesday's always make her want to be working), she doesn't have Chemo next week, and we got to share the experience of FOUR batches of Harvest Mix. 

What a good day.