Heartbreak & Spring Changes

Winter has come and gone since my last post, and with the welcoming of Spring we are forced to adapt and embrace hard and almost inconceivable changes related to the state of my mom's health. 

It is unfair of me to burry the lead, but please bare with me as that is exactly what I am about to do in order to provide a clear roadmap of how we got here, to this post, and these updates. 

Over the course of the past six weeks, my mom's body has been through procedures, hospitalizations, a change in treatment, and it is all catching up with her. Her body is tired. 

Mid February we learned that the chemotherapy was no longer working the way her medical team was hoping and it was time to switch regimens. In the midst of this news, the primary focus shifted to getting my mom's gallbladder out. This was successful, and there was a window of time that we all allowed ourselves to look to the new treatment for hope. 

As the window to start this new oral chemo was approaching there were multiple ED visits and too many hospitalizations that delayed starting treatment. These visits were all related to her lungs filling up with liquid making it difficult for her to breathe. 

If you are like me and need a dumbed down version as to what this means & how this happens here is my best shot: her liver is unable to do its job due to the cancer that has so rudely taken up occupancy there and this results in the liquid not being processed through her body correctly, making her lungs fill up. The effects of this ranged from shortness of breath, severe pain, and difficulties talking, breathing, and moving. This fluid also messed with her calcium levels, and blood pressure that resulted in a longer hospital stay trying to get her levels where they needed to be.  

All of this to say, that oral treatment was attempted for a couple of days, but her body did not have the strength to handle the severe side effects, as it was working to do too many other functions. 

As of her Oncology appointment last Monday, it was decided that making her comfortable and easing her pain is the utmost priority. In-home hospice care will begin this week, and with what is left of our hearts our family will prioritize her comfort and our time with her while she is earth side. 

How do we move forward? One hour at a time, and one day at a time. We take leave from work, and we lean on our support system. We breathe and remind ourselves that with God and my mom on our team we can do hard things, and get through life's lowest lows. 

Choosing joy in a time like this feels like an unfair ask, and something that is quite frankly not possible.

Yet, somehow we continue to notice the blessings around us;  a healthy baby on the way (who I wholeheartedly believe my mom already knows, loves, and has met), nurse friends who fly in to provide care and support to our family, the Alaska Family who continue to show up for my mom, and employers who reinforce "family first" mindset. 

During this time, family is flying in and my mom is resting and healing. She does not have the energy to respond to messages or talk on the phone. If you would like to send me a video (or post one in the comments below) sharing your love for my mom/favorite memory please please do so and we will make sure she sees it. 

Visitors are becoming more and more difficult to accommodate as resting, healing, and medical appointments are the priority. You may stop by the house and sign the book that will be out front accepting well wishes & sweet notes. We ask that you do not knock unless the sign says "accepting visitors". If a visitors are being accepted at that time, please keep visits to 5-10 minutes. 

Let us be reminded of my mom's spirit and her ability to make everyone smile all the time, anywhere she goes (she befriended the DOL lady.. like who has the ability to do that?) Please continue to be kind to others, pay it forward and spread love in the name of Jami.