TNF & Week 3

How do we chose joy when we are not feeling joyous? 

How do we practice gratitude when the overwhelming feeling is "this sucks"? 

I have written and re-written this particular post, to express gratitude while not acknowledging "the suck" feels insincere and misleading. So let's all say it together, "cancer sucks, and chemo is hard."

Now that we have acknowledged the weight of this experience, may we be so bold as to journey down the road of gratitude. As we (a collective community of folks who love Jami) attempt to balance the fear, nausea, bone pain, and joy existing in tandem let us allow ourselves to feel the good stuff along with the bad. 


This past week has been hard (on everyone). Chemo is doing its job, killing the cancer cells as well as killing all the good cells. My mom's hair has began thinning, bone pain is present consistently and her white blood cell count was too low to attend chemo session #3 today. 

As our family has entered the emotional state of rage and anger (rightfully so) little angels have been showing themselves. We would be amiss to not shed light on the moments (and people) who are bringing light into the darkness. 

Co workers who bring us sweet treats to brighten our day, co workers who dance in the airport just for a smile, visits from our sweet Wade Man, siblings who cook us fried rice and chicken (thank you Uncle Steve!), and friends who bring uplifting encouragements about the advances in treatment for triple negative breast cancer. 

This week has taught me that gratitude is a choice. Practicing gratitude while hurting is quite possibly one of the most difficult decisions we can make. It is exhausting. Yet, somehow the tension of feeling two exact opposite feelings at the same time; anger and deep joy, have me leaning into what feels good. 

Today we find Joy in Thursday Night Football, the Mariners winning last night, Nanny Jo and Aunt Juli coming this weekend, getting to drive our own car, and fall weather (hat season) approaching. 

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