Joy by Jami

The world is a little less brighter, and lacking a little sparkle at this moment. My sweet mama left her earthly body on April 24th at 6:33am. With the flowers in full bloom, her beauty and warmth are surrounding our family in these moments.  In God's timing, that I am yet to understand, she joined him in Eternity. She was surrounded by an immeasurable amount of love and peace.  As I cannot seem to find words at this moment to accurately describe the complex, and ever shifting feelings of pain, sorrow, gratitude, and peace I would like to leave you someone else's words about joy & sorrow.  Joy & Sorrow Chapter VIII by Kahlil Gabran: Then a woman said, "Speak to us of Joy and Sorrow." And he answered: Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears. And how else can it be? The deeper that sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain. Is not the cup that hold your wine th...

Winter has come and gone since my last post, and with the welcoming of Spring we are forced to adapt and embrace hard and almost inconceivable changes related to the state of my mom's health.  It is unfair of me to burry the lead, but please bare with me as that is exactly what I am about to do in order to provide a clear roadmap of how we got here, to this post, and these updates.  Over the course of the past six weeks, my mom's body has been through procedures, hospitalizations, a change in treatment, and it is all catching up with her. Her body is tired.  Mid February we learned that the chemotherapy was no longer working the way her medical team was hoping and it was time to switch regimens. In the midst of this news, the primary focus shifted to getting my mom's gallbladder out. This was successful, and there was a window of time that we all allowed ourselves to look to the new treatment for hope.  As the window to start this new oral chemo was approaching there...

 As we hunker down in this wintery snow globe of a Saturday; it feels right to spend a few moments with you all, spreading some warmth & happy days.  This week was good. Uniforms were worn, and Mother-Son dates were had.  The wind is blowing, snow is blanketing the yard, PDX is delaying and cancelling flights, we are all  putzing around the house, scrolling, or sipping on a warm drink prior to worrying about getting to work in this weather.  My mom is cozied up on her comfy chair, drinking her herbal remedy, and letting her body rest from this long hard week of FUN. Yup. Fun.  Wednesday was her first day back in uniform as a CSA agent at PDX. It was her first day in over 18 weeks getting up at 4am to cross the 205 bridge to clock into work. With a bright, beaming smile on her face she entered the Alaska employee trailer and began catching up on computer trainings and modules. "I'm BAAACK" I imagine her stating, with open arms, as she is greeted with hug...

I have been struggling to write this post.  How do I update you all with accuracy, precision, and joy? It has been over a month since my last update, and since then we have experienced multiple holidays, a pregnancy announcement (yes yes it's me who is pregnant- YAY), there have been wonderful moments shared and there have been scary "Why God?" moments. We have sang Happy Birthday to Jesus, celebrated healthy sonograms, we have seen family and friends, we have visited the ER (her gallbladder did not need to come out!), we have made N/A cocktails, we have watched the Huskies make it to The National Title, we even rang in a New Year (at 1030pm!).  2024. We enter this year prayerfully, and with one single priority. Health.  This year, the only resolution on our mind is celebrating the air in our lungs, the laughter with one another, being present, and honoring every emotion that may wash through us (at really inconvenient times I may add). The overwhelm that comes with plann...

Man. It is so nice to be chatting with all of you again. I'm another year older (shout out to all my Scorpio babies), and as they say "with age, comes wisdom."  I believe I finally understand what this phrase is really saying. With age, comes more exposure to really hard life experiences. The saying does not explain that wisdom is actually birthed from difficult and deeply emotional curveballs that life throws your way. As I enter my 27th year, there will be a few lessons that I take with me from the 26th year.  Nothing is an absolute. Health. Mental Health. It is completely normal (and expected) to hurt when your loved one hurts, and sometimes the only thing we can control is how we show up. When words fail, a 60 second hug and a listening ear can be the best remedy.  Over the course of the last month we as a family have experienced some of life's lowest lows and some really wonderful highs. Admittedly, the whiplash can be exhausting.  The month of November started ...

Round five of chemo is in the books. We are about ten weeks into this journey of regular doctor appointments, routine blood draws, diagnosis and a complete reframe of what is important in this life.  The season's have changed; from sunshine daily, AC running 24/7, and hot leather seats, to trees shedding their leaves, shorter days, big yawns, and (not enough) touchdowns scored.  Weddings have happened (Congrats Nat & Steven!), meals have been delivered, puzzles have been put together, shows have been completed, and cancer is being aggressively attacked week after week.  Round 5 of Chemo is complete.  "We got this" we continue to assure ourselves. My mom's body can fight this. All the systems in her body are running on mandatory overtime in an effort to defend and protect.  A link of the paper chain has been taken off with a sense of accomplishment and glee. One more treatment down. Only 13 left.  I apologize for the delay of updates, it seems we have be...

"Sounds like you had a happy episode and then a sad episode" Jeremy hypothesized while turning from his desk to look at me.  I leaned against the door frame of "his room". The black shiny drum set stood between us while Huckleberry kept his feet warm. "Yes. Miguel died, and now Rebecca has outlived two husbands, and she has Alzheimers and does not remember what her home looks like." Jeremy and I seemed to notice at the same time that my tear stained face was no longer dry. Tears had began streaming down my face again in my attempt to explain the plot of "This is Us." These beautifully written characters had struck a cord. At the same time I was wiping the tears from my face, I recognized how ridiculous I sounded explaining a season six episode to someone who had no context, no understanding of the show, and looked at these characters as just that, made up. We both were shocked when a continuous stream of laughter escaped from my body between the ...